It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything but prose writing. And I don’t normally like to write anything that seems depressing. But I think it’s only part of the Christian experience to face drudgery and melancholy at times in order to fight for the joys and happiness that await.
Numb;
I yearn to feel some sense of excitement.
Life passes like a businessman on the sidewalk
Brushing others’ concerns aside
Why? Why the mundane?
Every day feels frivolous.
Education, obligations, entertainment, all a detestation
I go to school, I come home
to work, then home
Tick, tock, tick, tock
Time is butter churned; laborious and uneventful
Producing only thick nothingness, a fat void.
Friendships come, friendships go
The relational pendulum swinging to and fro
Vanity of vanities, a vapor in the wind.
Promises of a successful career with much labor
To what avail?
To drudge through the mire of materialism,
Drowning in affluence and choking on excess?
To follow in the footsteps of millions of lost souls
chasing the apparition of attainment?
What can be done that has not been done?
Even if I dominate in some field of study,
create some magnum opus or embody fame,
Will I have reached any platform untouched by predecessors?
Or only become another grain of sand washed to the shore of disillusionment?
So even in my routine, my moderate life
I tread in the same shallow waters as earthly kings and princes
in comparison to true glory, eternal glory.
But in His image, I also cannot content myself with dull mediocrity.
With wasted gifting and a shallow life.
I will content myself with temporal boredom
if for the recompense of happy, quiet servitude.
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
P.S. If you’ve read my previous posts on masculinity/femininity, you’ve probably already guessed that I’m excited to see this. It does strike me as odd that Levi Strauss is running this, being a company that rather pro-actively supports homosexual causes (even pulling back it’s funding for the Boy’s Scouts, a man-making program of sorts, because of it’s stance against homosexuality). Aside from this curiosity, though, I’m quite pleased to see this kind of campaign getting publicity.
I came across this in a devotional journal I kept for a short time years ago. It’s sort of a fictional perspective piece I wrote after reading the story of Abraham’s preparation to sacrifice Isaac.
Tears stinging his eyes, Abraham cannot bear to look into his only son’s pleading, fearful, confused eyes. This father’s hand shakily holds the knife above his son, preparing to thrust it into his beloved boy. Abraham’s mind reluctantly travels back to that most joyful day when God promised him a precious son would be born to him and…Not now! He tries to block out the memories, for they agonize him in this moment. But his attempts to stop his wandering mind are to no avail. For even now he remembers the first cries of Isaac at his birth, constrasted by the laughter of his wife at the fact that an old woman like her could bear a child. He recalls holding Isaac in his hands that day, the tiny infant fulfilling God’s gracious promise at long last. Oh, how he squirmed and cried as a baby…kind of like how he squirms now. Only now, he squirms not in the joyful hands of a gleaming father, but against the unbreakable restraints of the ropes he helped tie. Still in disbelief, Isaac continues to cry out to his father. He thinks, “Surely, he cannot kill me, not his only son. He loves me!” Yet the steady stream of tears from his father’s eyes as he holds the knife upraised makes it all too certain that he will be the pitiful lamb slaughtered gruesomely at his own father’s hand. Did God require this? How could God command such cold, heinous butchery? Does he have no idea what it is like to be slain by one’s own father like some ceremonial animal for its blood? How primitive, how vile!
Just as Abraham is about to take his son’s life, a voice projects from nearby. It’s the voice of an angel of the Lord! Pure joy and relief now fill Abraham. The blade seems to make a splash as it falls to the puddle of tears which had now formed. He quickly unties the rope and embraces his dear child. As he does, his gaze turns to the most beautiful thicket bush he ever laid eyes on, for this one contained the animal that would be slain in the place of his most cherished son.
“People often talk as if nothing were easier than for two naked minds to ‘meet’ or become aware of each other. But I see no possibility of their doing so except in a common medium which forms their ‘external world’ or environment. Even our vague attempt to imagine such a meeting between disembodied spirits usually slips in surreptitiously the idea of, at least, a common space and common time, to give the co- in co-existence a meaning; and space and time are already an environment. But more than this is required. If your thoughts and passions were directly present to me, like my own, without any mark of externality or otherness, how should I distinguish them from mine? And what thoughts or passions could we begin to have without objects to think and feel about? Nay, could I even begin to have the conception of ‘external’ and ‘other’ unless I had experience of an ‘external world’? You may reply, as a Christian, that God (and Satan) do, in fact, affect my consciousness in this direct way without signs of ‘externality’. Yes: and the result is that most people remain ignorant of the existence of both. We may therefore suppose that if human souls affected one another directly and immaterially, it would be a rare triumph of faith and insight for any one of them to believe in the existence of the others. It would be harder for me to know my neighbor under such conditions than it now is for me to know God: for in recognising hte impact of God upon me I am now helped by things that reach me through the external world, such as the tradition of Church, Holy Scripture, and the conversation of religious friends. What we need for human society is exactly what we have–a netural something, neither you nor I, which we can both manipulate so as to make signs to each other. I can talk to you because we can both set up sound-waves in the common air between us. Matter, which keeps souls apart, also brings them together. It enables each of us to have an ‘outside’ as well as an ‘inside,’ so that what are acts of will and thought for you are noises and glances for me; you are enabled not only to be, but to appear; and hence I have the pleasure of making your acquaintance.” -C.S. Lewis
Does your head hurt yet? I had to reread this portion in The Problem of Pain several times to even begin to understand what Lewis is talking about here. If I understand him correctly, however, he is challenging the assumption of unique personhood (not to challenge its truth, but for the sake of a larger philosphical argument which I won’t attempt to summarize here). You and I are separate beings which exist as entities with individual wills, thoughts, emotions, and so on. Why is this so, however? Wouldn’t it make more sense to think that all matter would exist either for a singular purpose or for no purpose whatsoever? We see the former in science. All matter tends to promote its own life. Plants absorb nutrients from other matter and animals eat plants and other animals, and so it is with all organisms. Therefore, it seems all matter exists for the purpose of retaining life. There is diversity of methods, yet singularity of ultimate purpose. In this universe, it seems arguable that there is no individuality. What makes one block of matter (e.g. life form) separate from another in any ultimate sense (mind you, I don’t mean distinct, but altogether separate)? Is all matter simply a grand cosmic sheet? Are all plants, trees, lakes, roads, street signs, and people all a part of this sheet of matter, twisted and formed in complex ways like a giant block of modeling clay? If this were the case, how would we account for the uniqueness of humanity? How can I, as one being, have an altogether different will from yours, if we all exist within this giant matter-world that exists for one purpose? How can I even have a conscious sense of myself as distinct from you or anyone else? In other words, how is it that I have this sense of myself as altogether separate from you? My will and thoughts are disclosed from you, and vice versa (provided I have not audibly expressed them to you in some way). Distinct personhood seems difficult to grasp in this theoretical framework. Yet it is certainly possible that God could use all matter together yet retain uniqueness. And any view of the physical world involving order or purpose must be founded on a creator, or all falls to pieces.
I think this video is similar to what I’m trying to express.
On the flip-side, if all matter existed for no purpose whatsoever, we would live in universal chaos, for which no common foundation seems to exist. Under this framework, I can easily imagine you and I as separate entities with separate wills and thoughts, but I cannot afterward account for any communication between us. There is simply no mutual ground for us to share because there is a sheer chaos of matter and existence. No physical universe could even exist without order, for the very laws of science are based on universal consistency.
I’m afraid I am overstepping my ability to articulate what I can barely reason in my own mind, so please forgive my ramblings. Ultimately, my desire is to dwell on the fact that God has created each of us on this earth with essentially the same materials and yet each vastly different and entirely distinct from one another. All 6 billion+ people who live on earth have different hearts, but all of which God knows perfectly and desires uniquely and solely for himself. What artistry! The depths of his wisdom who can fathom!
A few days out of the week, I get to walk a dog named Roscoe. Roscoe’s the epitome of energy and fun. His excitement for life, enthusiasm for sightseeing, and love for people is contagious. I look forward to walking Roscoe after class or during a stressful week because of his infectious personality.
I’ve learned some life lessons from Roscoe, believe it or not. I was thinking the other day when I was circling the neighborhood with him about how much I resemble this dog in my relationship with God. Roscoe has a curiosity that draws him like a magnet to any object of interest. Squirrel, bird, people, bug: you name it, he’s after it. His eyes dart to and fro, dancing with childlike wonder at all the treasures to behold and pounce upon. However, if it weren’t for me guiding him, keeping him on a short leash, and tugging on it as we walk, Roscoe would be in serious danger. You see, not everything Roscoe sees is worthy of his undivided attention. A leap toward a meandering rodent could spell instant death if a car were driving by.
I don’t know if you have ever seen the Disney movie Homeword Bound, but it is one of my favorite childhood films. In their quest toward home, the canine and feline trio encounter many unforeseen obstacles, some avoidable, some not so much. At one point, Chance (one of the dogs) sticks his head into a log trying to catch an animal he sees inside. Instead of a tasty snack, he finds a mouthful of porcupine needles.
In much the same way as Roscoe and Chance, I’ve found that so often my heart wanders and gets distracted by the things of this world that don’t matter. Ooh, Facebook! Look, cool music! A cute girl, go for a relationship! More money! Laziness sounds good! The list goes on and on.
In this case, however, these things are not simply neutral territory. Unlike squirrels and bugs, the enemy intentionally uses objects and situations in my life to draw me away from my Owner. You see, the enemy has already set up the car and the pocupine needles. He only wishes God would let go of my leash for just one second. Thank God for short leashes, denied pleasures, and dashed expectations, for only he knows the ultimate good in store.
“O to grace how great a debtor
daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.”
-Come Thou Fount
In following my last post, I thought I would include some more suggestions for things you can do to encourage male leadership and service.
First, if a guy offers to do something for you, and you are able to let him, PLEASE let him do it! You may think you’re preferring him by sacrificing comfort. We appreciate that. But often you can unknowingly do him a disservice by declining his offer to prefer you. For example, say you walk up to a table where your group is eating, and there are no chairs left anywhere. A guy offers you his chair. You may feel guilty taking it and decline, and you may truly feel okay standing. But most guys (I dare say any guy) would feel 10 times more comfortable sitting on concrete on their knees than dealing with the mental discomfort of watching a girl stand. He’ll be distracted the whole time with that thought and probably won’t be able to enjoy his meal (not to mention, others may look at him condescendingly because they don’t know that he’s offered the favor. All they see is him sitting and you standing). Same goes for holding a door, opening your car door, offering you his jacket if it’s cold, walking you to your car (unless he’s creepy), running an errand, paying for your meal etc. So next time you’re tempted to decline a favor thinking you’re preferring him, please remember the joy that it brings him to prefer you. It’s not that we want to feed some macho-man ego or anything like that, there’s just a natural, God-given bent to find more happiness in your comfort than our own.
Also, as I mentioned in my previous post, encourage guys to make the final decision in choices that are not unanimous. If you hear a lot of “I don’t know, whatever you want to do,” simply say, “I want you to decide.”
Affirm a guy’s upward steps in leadership. If a guy who used to be hesitant and indecisive has made a quick, confident, decisive choice, tell him you respected that. It’s not weird. Conversely, if a guy who is usually controlling asks for input and suggestions, reaffirm that. Anything to point out that he is learning and becoming more of a man is helpful.
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To my fellow young men, please join me in learning to prefer the women in our lives above ourselves in the small things. Let’s hold doors for them, give up our seats for them, walk them to their cars, etc. We’ve lost a lot of that in our generation…Let’s reclaim it. In these things we can show we care. Let’s be more decisive so they don’t have to take the lead.
1 Cor. 16:13-14: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
Ladies, please comment with any additional suggestions of small or big things guys have done for you that have showed care. We want to learn from them and emulate their example.
Male and felmale roles have been on my mind lately. I wish I had written last night while the thoughts were most vivid, but here is my attempt to encapsulate my fleeting thoughts.
I’ve been thinking about what my friend Karen was telling me in a conversation at the NEXT conference (hopefully more to come on that in the future). We were talking about how our community/family groups at the conference were going. She told me that she was enjoying the conversations she was having with her group, but wished the leader would ask a few more questions, perhaps following up on comments made, etc. But she basically told me that she didn’t want to take control over the dialogue. Even though this was just a short comment, made in passing with little more said about it, I appreciated what it said about Karen’s heart so much. Karen has a gift for drawing people out in conversation, asking good questions, and showing real care and interest in the way she converses. Therefore, in a group dialogue, it would be easy for someone with her gifting to take over the reins of leading the discussion. After all, she could probably do a better job of it than the man who was chosen to lead. She chose instead, however, to humbly and modestly lay down her preference of more thorough discussion in order to let this man grow in leadership. This was so incredible to me! As a young man who has been in the position of leading a group and has done so many times feebly and timidly, I am so thankful for people like Karen who help us men grow in leadership by their modesty.
I remember when I would do a poor job with chores or move slowly when doing them. Sometimes my mom would show me how to do it properly and do it for me. I saw this as the time to nod my head and slowly back away until I could escape unnoticed to get back to playing games. I simply let her take over, and unfortunately I made this a regular habit. I think sometimes this is what happens with grown men and women. A man may lead poorly in some area, and the woman’s maternal urge to show him how it’s done kicks in. The immature or timid man sees this as a way of shirking his responsibility. “I’ll just let her do it, she seems to be doing it well, anyway.” The man becomes a coward, afraid of leading because he knows somebody else can do it better. Women, if you know a man well enough, encourage him in his leadership and point out ways he can grow. But for his sake, please don’t take over the leadership or he will never learn. His family will suffer in the future. His wife will either usurp his authority or, if she’s humble, will suffer lack of direction and guidance. His children will fall into the same trap, as he will be afraid of making his authority known. They will not respect him because he’s waiting for somebody else to step up, tragically missing the fact that God has called him to be the man and leader of his family. It may sound like I’m being dramatic, but I don’t think I am. I will be bold and say what I believe: Not only can lack of modesty on the part of women be detrimental to the character of men, it is unattractive. Some men may find that super-independent, don’t-need-nobody’s-help characteristic appealing. But I will venture to say the majority, if they are honest, do not. Hollywood may say feminism is attractive. I disagree.
I hope I don’t sound chauvinistic or sexist, as if women should just be quiet and let men domineer them. I don’t believe that one bit. Ultimately, I think in the Bible women are only called to submit to their husbands decisions (or father’s, depending on marital status). Therefore, only in marriage should women submit to their husband’s decision even if they don’t think it is the most wise. In all other male and female interaction, there is not this command to honor every decision. However, I think it may be a good idea to practice submission when the decision does not dishonor God in any way or compromise their love for him (i.e. If you’re with a coed group, give your input but encourage guys to make the final decision in where to go eat or decide what to do). Men, likewise, should practice submission to other men who are in authority over them, so they learn to be humble leaders.
For me, personally, leadership and authority are not always things I want to take on. Some crave power and love the attention of leading. For me, however, I have an equally dangerous tendency toward timidity, not wanting to offend anyone or be thought conceited (even though I am). I say this so that women can understand that dominance is not the only temptation for men, but fear is the flip-side. Out of love and care for the men in your life, please try, by God’s grace, not to contribute to their fear. Similarly, if they are arrogant and controlling, let your modesty shine and bring conviction to them rather than contending with them.
I know these are not really popular ideas, and not all of what I said may be Biblical. I hope they are. But most of this is simply my opinion, to be listened to or ignored at your discretion. My aim is to help women understand some things about beautiful, admirable femininity from a young Christian man’s perspective. You get enough of Hollywood’s and our culture’s perspective as it is. So please, weigh out what I’ve said, toss out the junk, and hopefully you’ll be left with something that’s helpful to you. For advice from God himself, I encourage you to read often the description of the Proverbs 31 woman. Please don’t read it feeling guilty or making discouraging comparisons, but instead be encouraged by what God says is beautiful in a woman. You can forget everything I’ve said, but don’t forget His teaching.
Please let me know what you think. Have I said anything you disagree with? Have I been unclear anywhere or perhaps gone too far in some advice? Not far enough? I’m curious to hear what your thoughts are. Thanks!
Some quotes from Randy Alcorn’s book Money, Possessions, and Eternity, as promised:
What are we to think of all the current teaching on money and possessions that emphasizes what does not apply to us? Confident voices assure us that the Old Testament practice of tithing doesn’t apply to us, that the New Testament practice of sacrificial giving by liquidating assets and giving to the poor doesn’t apply to us, that the biblical prohibitions of interest and the restriction of debt don’t apply to use, that the commands not to hoard and stockpile assets don’t apply to us, and so on. It’s time to ask, “What does apply to us?”
If wealth is a dependable sign of God’s approval and lack of wealth shows his disapproval, then Jesus and Paul were on God’s blacklist, and drug dealers and embezzlers are the apple of his eye
Giving away money puts us in a position of financial weakness. We don’t like that. We prefer being in a position of financial strength. But giving away our excess does something for us that keeping or spending it doesn’t. It makes us dependent on God, and keeps us open to the possibility that at some point we may need to depend on others, just as they are currently depending on us.
“Show me your checkbook, your credit card statement, and your receipts for cash expenditures, and I’ll show you where your heart is.” What we do with our money doesn’t lie. It is a bold statement to God of what we truly value.
Do you wish you had a greater heart for the poor and lost? Then give your money to help the poor and reach the lost. Do you want your heart to be in your church? Put your money there. Your heart will always be where your money is and not where your money isn’t.
When you’re on a long airplane flight, you naturally talk to people, socialize, eat, read, pray, sleep, or maybe talk about where you’re going. But what would you think if a passenger by the window seat started hanging curtains over the window, taped photographs to the seat in front of him, painted murals, and put up wall hangings? You’d think, Hey, it’s not that long of a trip. Once we get to the destination, none of this will matter. Even a long plane flight is short compared to the span of your entire life.
Scripture does not teach what most of us seem to assume–that heaven will transform each of us into equal beings with equal possessions and equal responsibilities and equal capacities. It does not say our previous lives will be of no eternal significance. It says exactly the opposite.
I could continue. These are just a few of the things I highlighted from the first quarter of the book or so. Please, go read it for yourself!
In addition to challenging me to embrace new perspectives, Randy Alcorn’s book inspired me to take my willingness to give and “kick it up a notch”, as Emeril would say. I thought what I was giving before was plenty, but I feel like God is calling me to give more generously out of the wealth he’s blessed me with. I don’t want to hoard here on earth what can’t go with me when I die. In the words of Jim Elliot, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.” Yet, it’s tempting to think that giving too much can be foolishness because, in our culture, we should save as much as we can for the future. Alcorn says “We pride ourselves on our ‘financial independence,’ but where would we be without God, from whom our every breath is a gift? The very expression ‘financial independence’ may be blasphemy” (italics mine). I’m excited to give more, not out of duty but out of gratitude for God’s blessings, out of a hope for seeing the gospel proclaimed, and out of a desire to see the needy helped.
When Hudson Taylor was overseeing and working in a hospital in Inland China, a worker commented that they were down to their last bag of rice. “Then, the Lord’s time for helping us must be close at hand,” was his reply. Sure enough, before that bag of rice ran out, the hospital received a check for fifty pounds from a man who had, not knowing the circumstances they were in, felt God place it on his heart to give to them. In his letter, he wrote that he had gained an inheritance from his father and wanted to give more, and asked if the hospital would be able to use more money. This is the God we serve! If he can provide for them in their need, can he not do the same for us if we give generously?
As some of your may know, my sister was in an accident in the Jeep I usually drive last week. A woman pulled out on her on Wheel Road and did some nice damage, totaling the Jeep. By God’s protective grace, Sarah is ok. Unfortunately, the way it looks now, our claim is going to be denied because a witness claimed Sarah was partially at fault. Long story short, nothing is covered right now because we have no collision insurance on the Jeep. A couple of months ago, I probably would have been angered by the situation. I love the Jeep. I enjoy driving it. As my family can testify, I am a little picky about keeping it clean and and like to wash and armor-all it. A massive dent in the side would be frustrating and downright angering. However, God has been changing my heart over these past couple of months, and has used this accident to show me how temporal possessions are. It honestly surprised me that my response is “it’s just a car,” because of the value I had placed on it. God is teaching me to value eternal rewards over material possessions, and I guess God has chosen that the best way to teach me that is by letting my most valued possession be smashed. For now, it still drives just fine, but some day that Jeep will be a pile of rusted metal in a junkyard. The things I do on earth for God and the resources I give to him are the only things that will matter millions of years from now.
Money has been on my mind a lot recently. Our church did a series on it, which fueled my journey into a deeper study of the topic. After Pastor Joel’s message on spending, I went home and thoroughly examined my checking account expenditures for the past few months (and was shocked to find I’d spent almost $120 in gas in March and almost $40 eating out, in addition to my regular insurance and cell phone bills!). The next day, I read through Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover book, and found inspiration to cut out some unnecessary spending. However, I found that his book, while incredibly practical and inspirational, failed to address some deeper underlying spiritual issues of finances. One of his many mottoes is “live like no one else so that later you can live like no one else.” Maybe I’m misunderstanding him, but to me it sounds like the motivation for sacrificing luxurious living now is so that you can live a cozy life later. After further study and thinking, I have to graciously disagree.
Over the past couple of weeks, I enjoyed reading Randy Alcorn’s Money, Possessions, and Eternity. I can truthfully say I have not read a book in a long time that has so radically altered my perspective and challenged me to think as much as this book did. Throughout, I found myself struggling with some of his suggestions and arguments because of their implications. After weighing them out, however, I found I agreed with most of them because they were simply Biblically founded.
For example, he wrote about the importance of expecting eternal rewards and eternal treasures. This seemed in some way objectionable to me, as if working for reward somehow negated the authenticity of the heart. In my experience, if I work for somebody and expect to be rewarded, I’m working out of a self-serving motive and probably not to bless them. If, instead, I help somebody move without expecting to be paid, that seems more spiritual and selfless. Alcorn argues, however, that it is the expectation of eternal reward from our Father that benefits everyone. God is pleased to reward us because he has promised to and desires good for his children. We benefit from an eternal reward, and the person we help is blessed. Far from being unspiritual, this “selfish” reliance and trust in God’s promises brings most glory to Him. Alcorn says,
“If we maintain that it’s wrong to be motivated by rewards, we bring a serious accusation against Christ. We imply that he is tempting us to sin every time he offers rewards for obedience! Since God does not tempt his children, it’s clear that whatever he lays before us as a motivation is legitimate.”
He also quotes William Wilberforce, who says, “Christianity proposes not to extinguish our natural desires. It promises to bring the desires under just control and direct them to their true object.”
I will continue my thoughts in a future post and will include some additional quotes from Mr. Alcorn that I found particularly beneficial.
